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Andrew Wiggins gets vaccinated, wins title, complains


Andrew Wiggins got vaxxed, won a title, complained
Photo: Getty Images

There’s not a ton to add to the story beyond the headline. Andrew Wiggins, coming off the best year of his career, is still kind of sore that he had to get vaccinated.

Here’s what he told FanSided’s Mark Carmen about how unfair it was that he had to get a vaccine.

“I did it, and I was an All-Star this year and champion, so that was the good part, just not missing out on the year, the best year of my career. But for my body, I just don’t like putting all that stuff in my body, so I didn’t like that and I didn’t like that it wasn’t my choice. I didn’t like that it was either get this or don’t play.”

First off, it wasn’t an ultimatum. His religious exemption got denied, and he could’ve pulled a Kyrie. The Warriors might not have cowardly given into letting him play only away games, but tough shit.

Secondly, what were the adverse side effects? Actually, you know what, I’m going to skip the rebuttal and go straight to the insults because, really, what are we doing here?

Wiggins is the guy at work who’s so quiet he’s weird, and then when you talk to him, he somehow becomes weirder.

“Didn’t know there was so much literature on chemtrails, Doug. Also, how the fuck are you a manager?”

I researched the vaccination schedule solely for the purpose of seeing how much “stuff” Wiggins might already have in his body. The CDC has seven different shots on its chart for the first 18 months of a child’s life and that’s not including the annual influenza jab.

The lineup of serums might be different for Canadians, of which Wiggins is one, so he could be missing a dose here or there. Ideally, he’s protected from polio and other serious, mostly eradicated diseases though. Yet that’s up for debate because he told ESPN vaccines are “not really something we believe in as a family,” noting in October that he’s the only member of his family who has received the vaccine.

I know. What a scam, right? Protection from harmful pathogens is such an archaic concept.

Wiggins cited long-term concerns about the vaccine. If you want to go that route, what are the lasting effects of COVID? It’s only been around for a few years, but let’s allow it to mutate a few dozen times so we can make sure the Redditors were wrong.

I don’t know where Wiggins gets his Conspiracy Weekly delivered during the offseason, but his homeland has stricter mandates than the U.S., and those harmless/extremely helpful injections probably make visiting the hot spot that is his family easier in addition to definitely making it safer.

If my fingers didn’t lose interest and go rogue when I try to Google “Where does Andrew Wiggins spend his sumfdkasl;fjdak;;;;;;;;;;;;;” I’d bore you with other boring factoids about his downtime.

Oh fuck, I just used factoid in a sentence — I can feel Wiggins’ vapidness seeping into my bloodstream via osmosis. I suddenly have the urge to watch How It’s Made: PVC pipe. Fun tidbit: “How It’s Made” is a Canadian television show.

Gah, Jesus, Sean. Factoid? Tidbit? Canadian TV? You’re killing your father, Larry.

Do you see what happens, Andrew? This is what happens, Andrew. This is what happens. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN TH – please stand by. We’re currently experiencing technical difficulties.

Sean Beckwith will return after he sorts out some personal issues. In the meantime, please get vaccinated and boosted, and don’t fucking complain about it.



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